year of the earth rat

新年快樂!

remy dit, “gung hay fat choy, mes amis!”

tips for the hygenically challenged

I. BODY ODOR
in America, and in many other nations, there is such a thing as deodorant/anti-persperant. it is used under the arms, or "armpits," after washing oneself.

if you are spending time in an environment, especially one which is enclosed, where other people must be in some sort of physical proximity to you, i suggest you use this. if you tend to take your lunch break to exercise, remember to clean off with soap and water upon returning from your break and then reapply the deodorant/anti-persperant to your underarms.

i suggest you not only use deodorant/anti-persperant, but ensure the product serves both funtions yet does not have heavy cologne/perfume to make up for its not actually performing the function for which it is marketed.

II. ON THE USE OF PERFUME
if one is using some sort of scent, such as cologne or perfume, one does not dump the entire damned bottle over oneself.

if the scent is in a bottle with a stopper or cap, simply dab a small, small amount of the scent on two or four pulse points, such as just below and behind each ear or at in the inside of each wrist. if the scent is in a spray bottle, one should spray the scent in front of oneself and walk through the resulting cloud of scent.

one should never be able to smell the scent upon oneself. if the scent is noticable to oneself, one has used too much and the scent will therefore be overpowering to those around one.

III. IN SUMMATION
it is exceedingly rude to have a heavy odor coming from oneself, either in the form of body odor or added scent. we all must live with each other. as Sartre observed so aptly, "l'enfer, c'est les autres." try not to make this hell even worse for those who must be around you in particular.


hope you enjoyed my advice, my little メロンパンs. feel free to share it with any particularly odiferous coworkers/classmates you may have. tell them あなたの先輩 said so!

先輩の必滅

the reason why 米人 eat egg and cheese sandwiches for 朝御飯 isn't simply that egg and cheese sandwiches are delicious and a source of protein, but that to eat an egg and cheese sandwich is to be reminded of one's own mortality と思う.

someone eats more than five of those puppies in a lifetime and they're gonna die, and die early. and they know it.

it is a deeply philosophical (possibly even theological) yet very tasty experience which goes well with coffee. what a way to start the day. so long as one doesn't indulge every day or else the experience wears down into the mundane と思う. once a week, maybe. every Monday can be Delicious Yet Deep Philosophy Through Egg and Cheese on a Lightly Toasted Hard Roll Day.

enjoy your cholestrol-ridden and high-fat 朝御飯, my little 米人のメロンパンs. life is short.