seven hints to those who may be considering work outside of the retail trade

ONE
a coworker should not have to remind you to do something more than five times. if a coworker has to, say, tell you over and over and over again to let them know when you're not going to be at your desk so they know to pick up your phone to cover important calls, you're either a complete idiot, a complete asshole, or just not someone who should be working with others.

TWO
when you start a career, you will start at the bottom. this means you have to do things which you may find demeaning, like answer the phone, or respond to e-mail in a timely fashion, or make copies. do it. seriously, you spoiled brat, you waste of space, just do it, before your coworkers bring a world of hurt on your incompetent ass.

THREE
if you are going to be in charge of a particular on-going project or aspect of the business, you need to learn at least the basics of that particular project/business sector. your coworkers should not have to waste their time explaining your job to you for three hours.

FOUR
your coworkers are not here for your entertainment. they're here to work. if you're incapable of keeping your mouth shut for more than five minutes at a time, might i recommend you go into the lively field of phone sales?

FOUR-POINT-ONE
if you are incapable of keeping your mouth shut, don't occupy your time at the office/workplace by making numerous personal calls. you're not here to chat with your friends/girlfriend/husband/former coworkers. you're here to work. just because you get up from your desk and take the call on your cell in the breakroom doesn't mean you're not wasting the company's time. shut the hell up and get to work, chatty cathy. nota bene: even phone sales won't let you spend your entire day chatting up your equally empty-headed friends.

FIVE
don't assume that just because someone is female they give as much of a shit as you about shoes. maybe that person is a grown-up who understands shoes are for covering feet and facilitating pedal locomotion. maybe that person would rather work than listen to you natter on about the fugly-ass cheap-ass shoes you got on supersale that don't quite fit and are "so cute!" according to your complete lack of taste. maybe you should keep the inane blather about shoes to your home-based calls to your equally inane friends and get the hell back to work.

SIX
don't complain about how little you make. in all likelihood, there is someone sitting very close to you who is not even making a quarter of what you make in a year. just because not everyone whines about their finances doesn't mean you're the only one having trouble making ends meet on your salary.

SEVEN
just because someone is going out to lunch or to pick up a cup of coffee doesn't mean they are suddenly your girl or boy friday and must now go on whatever errand you set for them. it's a tremendous pain in the ass to pick up everyone else's order, sort out the different bits of change, carry all of the items, and keep everyone's order straight. this person going out is your coworker, not the office gofer. if they offer to pick something up, that's fine. just don't assume they'll be happy to waste their short break on your shit every time they step away from their desk. not unless you're going to pay them for their time and effort.


hope you enjoyed my advice, my little メロンパンs. feel free to share it with any particularly incompetent coworkers you may have. tell them あなたの先輩 said so!

quandry

i can hear you now, my little メロンパンs. モチ先輩、何が欲しい？何をしたい？

ah, my clever, clever little メロンパンs, あなたの先輩 has no freaking clue what she wants to do.

write? yes, モチ先輩 loves to write. but who on earth would pay あなたの先輩 to write things for them?

read? yes, モチ先輩 could read 一日中 quite happily. but no one is going to pay あなたの先輩 to read.

... and that's it, my little メロンパンs. that's it. no one would pay あなたの先輩 to read and write. しかし、あなたの先は読みたくて、書きたい。

hence the sighing and the "i don't know what to do!"ing and the fretting and the sadness.

follow your dreams, my little メロンパンs. search your hearts, find your dreams, and follow them. and let あなたのモチ先輩 cheer you on.

so, not dead?

no, my little メロンパンs, モチ先輩 is still alive and ...well, alive.

i have been temping at the same place since friday, october 13, 2006. most of the people are nice. one drives me so crazy, あなたの先輩 started to whisper-rant in the breakroom about how much あなたの先輩 HATES HER! WE HATES HER, MY PRECIOUS! 彼女を憎む! (in whispers.) モチ先輩は狂気に行っているね.

since i last wrote:
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no sign of permenent employment

four visits to the vet

one hair cut

one visit to nyc

one series of books finished (spoiler! harry potter dies! ha!)

one series of books nearly-finished (o, how i hope aubrey gets his blue pennant)

one serving of sushi consumed

many, many, many too-hot days.
/list

モチ先輩 desires sashimi, my little メロンパンs. oh, how we wants it!